Masochism
by John Coleman
Why should I sit when I feel miserable while sitting? I want to have fun. I'll do this or that and have fun. Eventually displeasure comes, and we long to tolerate this other displeasure, but we cannot bear it. We are always trying to discover some way to avoid it or control it. But they are all futile attempts and we continue to suffer. Suffering for the purpose of trying to avoid suffering could be classified as a perversion. Being in the face of suffering to be free from suffering is indeed wisdom. Avoidance requires time, space, speculation about the past and the future. The achievement is in the silence and reality of the present moment. Now. We begin with the small, concentrated, selected aspect of reality, the real breath that touches the real point. Now.
Always remember the relationship between Morality, Concentration and Wisdom. You cannot develop concentration without morality (there are too many distractions), you cannot develop wisdom (experience of Annica, Dukkha and Anatta) without concentration (the mind is out of focus and unable to see clearly). Without understanding through Annica and/or Dukkha and/or Anatta, you cannot seek Nibbana.
Once you have taken the vow of Sila (morality) fulfill it, practice meditation and all your aspirations will be fulfilled. Samadhi (concentration), Anapana meditation (conscious breathing) develop a powerful magnifying glass of perception. Panna (wisdom, insight, Vipassana meditation), the use of the magnifying glass of perception developed through Samadhi, to experience Annica, Dukkha and Anatta (impermanence, dissatisfaction, emptiness). When the experience of Annica has established itself as a vibration or birth and death of energy we should continue to practice.
With continued practice, birth and death will develop within just like a falling or dissolution of energy. Once this stage of dissolution is achieved, then we should try to maintain the continuity of this flow, without interruption, for as long as possible. If the continuous flow is interrupted by distractions, thoughts, fantasies or castles in the air, then we should return to Anapana (conscious breathing) if necessary, re-establishing ourselves in the experience of birth and dying, if possible moving forward towards flow or dissolution of energy. Maintaining this experience of dissolution to crescendo the periods of time without interruption. Continuity of Annica awareness leads to consumption, consumption to exhaustion, exhaustion to extinction, extinction to Nibbana. Disruption or loss of awareness of Annica leads to accumulation.
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